It's always darkest before the dawn

There have been many moments in my life when I felt unable to carry on. Unable to get up. Unable to show up.

Moments when the dark was so real I thought it would never be light again.

Moments when even breathing was hard.

My mind has traveled to the edge. That scary place where ending it all seems like the most logical option.

In those moments I could not see the magic or mystery. I could not give a fuck about being spiritually in tune.

I could not hold on...to hope...to faith...to life itself.

And yet, in that place of darkness newness emerged.

Unanticipated newness.

And so if you’re in it right now...in the dark void...in the brokenness...on the edge...where nothing makes sense...and everything hurts...know that you are not alone.

You might think you are, but many have been where you are. Many. You don’t know them and yet they are with you right now.

It’s in our falling apart that we heal.

It’s at the edge where our foundations are shaken. Our foundations have to break. It’s only then that we start to rebuild, realign, reawaken, restore, recover.

Here’s the thing. The pain is your guide. Be brave. Follow it. Track it. Sit with it. Your pain has so much to teach you. So much.

Your grief. Your loss. Your hurt. Be with it. Just for today. Just for this moment. Be. With. It.

Surrender to it. Give over to it. Break down and cry with it.

Let go of the attachment that this moment needs to be different. Let go. Drop into the feeling. Drop in even more.

And watch as this shifts. Watch.

Exhale.

Inhale.

You are here now.

And I have nothing but love for you.

I x