The retreat recommended I fast for 10 days. Said if I could go without food, then I would go within, let go of the pain. Said my mind would feel lighter.
The energy healer said I carry too much sadness and anger in my womb. Said I need to visualise white light in my sacral area three times per day.
Those at the 12 step meetings listened to my story. Over. And over. And over again. Until I got tired of the sound of my own voice.
The doctor said Zoloft, Diazepam, Zopiclone will help me numb out the trauma.
The yogi told me to lean into the discomfort. To stretch it out. Said to follow my breath. Said I would find happiness when I focus on giving instead of getting.
The shaman bathed me in flower water, blew tobacco smoke over my heart and said that within my darkness lies my light. Said I need to meet my demons.
The trauma said “Stop. Shake and tremble and shout and quiver and cry and sweat and howl and break.” Return to your instinctive self.
My heart said “I am scared, but I trust you. Trauma, be my guide. Lead the way forward so that I may set myself free. Let me learn, through you, how to feel alive again. Let me learn.”